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DEAR AMY: It is customary in our firm for bosses to give their assistants holiday presents. these gifts can range from hundreds of dollars in cash to significant gift cards, jewelry, etc.One of my bosses approached me a few days before the holiday (after I had given him his gift) and asked me if I’d mind waiting until the following week for my present because he’d been “overwhelmed” lately. Of course I told him not to worry.A week after new Year’s, he once again mentioned my “gift” and said he hadn’t forgotten but it was “not ready yet.” you see where I’m going with this. Valentine’s Day passed and nothing.This man can be absent-minded, and I’m wondering if he’s simply forgotten me or if he never intended to give me a gift (although he has been generous in the past).I’m wondering what I should say if the subject comes up again? what if it doesn’t?I’ve laughed it off, but I could use the gift because we had no raises or bonuses this year. Your advice would be appreciated.— KATHY DEAR KATHY: Your letter illustrates one reason giving substantial monetary gifts at the office is a terrible idea. you and your co-workers should be adequately compensated so you’re not counting on your bosses’ personal largesse at the end of the year.Because this is a personal gift and not a company-sanctioned bonus, you have no recourse when the gift doesn’t happen. Nor should you bring it up to him. If spring rolls around and your boss mentions his Christmas gift again (but doesn’t produce it), say, “Well, one great way to celebrate Flag Day (June 14) would be for you to recommend me for a raise. That’s the gift that keeps on giving, if you know what I mean.”DEAR AMY: I have just gone through a divorce after 21 years of marriage. It was not my idea and was very painful for me. my kids seemed to deal with it better than I have.My 19-year-old son lives with me, and my 16-year-old daughter lives with her mom.My daughter and I have become very distant. I have told her how much I loved her and she always replied that she loved me too. now she will not communicate with me. we have not had any arguments or anything.People have told me that it is her age and teens do not want to hang out with their parents. my son tells me she is very busy. she is a straight-A student. I keep texting her every night to say hi and goodnight.Should I just wait it out and hope she will respond or confront her?— CONFUSED IN MINNESOTA DEAR CONFUSED: If your daughter’s attitude toward you has changed, you can assume that she is going through a challenging period and is deliberately distancing herself. she may feel guilty about your unhappiness, or pressure — real or imagined — about how to demonstrate her loyalty to her mother.You should continue to text her, but no more than once a day. she could perceive any more as being overbearing. Don’t query or blame her, and don’t criticize her mother (though you can assume that mom may have a role in this). Work with your ex (if possible) to see what’s going on at home.You and your son should do everything possible to see your daughter in person.Attend school events and celebrate her successes. Ask her to have lunch with you on her own. Don’t view this as a confrontation but as an opportunity to say to her, “Honey, I’m worried about you. What’s going on?”• “Ask Amy” is written by Amy Dickinson. you can send questions to askamy@tribune.comor by mail to: Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. COMMENTS (0) | Add Comment
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